I am glad that I haven't had the opportunity to write lately because I would have been a bucket of tears everytime I would attempt an entry. I am holding up a little better today, but once I lay in bed next to my best friend and husband, I lay there with my eyes brimming with tears just thinking of how much I am going to miss him.

I have spent a lot of time crying, Joe is trying to be tough, but every once in a while I catch his eyes get watery. I think about all the things he is going to miss while he is gone for at least 5-6 months and I just get this unbelievable amount of guilt and sadness for him. In order, he is going to miss Valentine's day, my b-day, his son's birth, his b-day, his brother returning from a 2 year mission, our 1 year anniversary and lots of growing time for our little boy. I find this entire thing incredibly unfair!! This isn't how it should be!!

I cry and cry about how much I am going to miss him, while he holds me and tells me it'll be ok; all the while, HE is the one missing his son's birth and going to war and fighting against stupid Sadaam!! I have faith that he will be safe and that is really all that matters, but oh boy, does my heart honestly ache at the thought of going 6 months without being close to him. It just isn't fair....I know life isn't fair, but this is ridiculous!!

I have come up with a few ideas though. I know that Luke knows Joe's voice, I can tell by the way he reacts when Joe talks to him. He hears his voice and I get an instant flip or kick, I know Luke knows his dad. So, Joe and I are buying a camcorder today and we are going to get 5 or so children's books and I am going to video tape Joe reading each of these books "to" Luke. This way he can hear his voice and once he is able to, he can connect the face with the voice. Also, I plan on using one of those "picture books" where you put photographs in each page..it'll be the "Daddy Book" and we'll look at it everyday. Joe is also going to send me audio tapes so that we can listen to his voice and Luke, I know, will recognize it.

To help Joe feel less seperated I plan on writing twice a week and sending millions of pictures to him. I have made the tough decision of video taping the birth as well. I wasn't too keen on this idea when Joe presented it to me, but I have decided it is the least I can do and I really don't think I'll care when it comes right down to it. He keeps telling me he'll be there when I have the baby, just not physically, which I know is very hard for him. I can't believe how things have changed so recently.

Anyway, I am headed home to Oregon once Joe leaves. I was going to try and brave it here, but thanks to the convincing of many people, I am headed home to be with my family. I just think we'll all be better off that way.

Anyway, this isn't the most uplifting entree I have ever written, but I don't feel like being perky and you can't blame me.

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